I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
