Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
