i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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