Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
