i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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