Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
