Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My ATM looks so different sober.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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