yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
