I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
