This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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