sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize