I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
