She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
