thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I have demons in me.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
