it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
