Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
