Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
