Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize