Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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