so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
