dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
