He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
