I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
