Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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