My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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