Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
