2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
