I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
