If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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