just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
