You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
