I am puke
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
