We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
