I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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