come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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