Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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