Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
