Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
