so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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