my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
