Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
