My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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