I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I want to fling myself into the sun
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
