and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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