i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
