i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
