1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
