i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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