I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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