Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
