I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
