It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
