you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
smell my finger.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
