to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
