Even the bartender felt bad for me
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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