Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
