I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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