M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize