Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
