I skipped work to stalk him.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize