Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
