You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize