I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
