they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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