I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize