I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
