I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
