Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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