We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
