epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
