You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
