i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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